Your Mind Is a Garden — And Nobody Taught Us How to Tend It
Inspired by the garden metaphor in Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. — a book I genuinely recommend to every woman I know.
Negative self talk is something we all struggle with. And here's the thing, we don't have full control over the thoughts that pass through our minds. They just show up. Our brains are bullies sometimes to help us survive daily life.
So I want you to imagine your brain as a garden. Your thoughts are what's growing there.
You pass a mirror and your brain immediately goes to the negative. It tells you your stretch marks are gross. And suddenly you're standing there wishing you could fix them, change them, spend money to make them disappear. That thought, stretch marks are gross, that's a weed in your garden. Someone planted it there a long time ago. Probably without even knowing they did it.
When we're little we can't take care of our own garden. So our family does it. Society does it. TV shows, magazines, the kids at school, they're all planting things in our soil without our permission. Some of those things are beautiful. They grow into flowers. But some of them are weeds. Negative thoughts, impossible standards, ideas about what our bodies are supposed to look like that we never agreed to.
Then we become teenagers and we finally get the keys to our own garden. By then most of it is already grown. Flowers and weeds both blooming. But no one taught us how to tend it ourselves. So we just keep going. We believe the weeds. We water them without realizing it. We think we need a flatter stomach, clearer skin, whiter teeth, whatever it is for you, and instead of questioning where that thought even came from, we just accept it as truth.
Here's what hit me the hardest. When we're born, our bodies are celebrated. We are perfect. Completely and without condition. Then somewhere along the way that changes. Suddenly we're not enough and there's so much to fix. But that's not the truth, that's just the weeds taking over.
It can be rough to understand, the intention is not bad. People who have a lot of weeds in their own garden will plant them in yours. Not to hurt you. Usually to protect you. But a weed is still a weed no matter the intention.
You never stopped being perfect. You just started believing thoughts that were never yours to begin with.
So what do we do about it? We don't rip the whole garden up. That's too much. You just need some scissors.
When a weed shows up, and it will, you acknowledge it. You don't pretend it isn't there. You just cut it down a little and plant one flower right next to it. My stretch marks are ugly becomes my body is beautiful and allows me to live out my dreams. Over time the weed stops getting watered, and the flower you planted starts to grow.
We don't have to be fixed. We never needed to be fixed. We just need to be healthy and happy enough to live the life we always dreamt of. That starts with what we're growing in our own minds.
— Ivy ♡
Disclaimer: This blog is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or personalized nutrition counseling. It is not a substitute for care from a qualified healthcare professional. If you are struggling with disordered eating, support is available through the Alliance for Eating Disorders at 1-866-662-1235.
Sources: Nagoski, Emily. Come As You Are. Simon & Schuster, 2015.